Thursday, October 25, 2012

I Heart My Body?

A few months ago, I posed nude.  Why?  Because I have learned to accept my body with every bump and roll.

Click Here for My Body Image Post.

We all have parts of our bodies that we dislike, but today, take a look in the mirror and tell yourself 3 things you love about your body.

I love my legs.  I love my butt.  I love my boobs.

Now, I may not heart my body, but I have accepted that it is who I am TODAY.  It will not be this shape forever.  I am working on improving my body.  But not for anyone but myself. 

There is no denying that we need to take care of our bodies, but we are more than our body.  Our ideals are so unrealistic and we need to love and embrace the body we have now.  Most of us don't use garden variety put downs.  We are brutally negative with ourselves.  It is not acceptable to talk to ourselves with such venom. 

We need to set a standard.

We are beautiful. 

Let's move away from the unrealistic ideals and learn to love and embrace the body we have today.

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Monday, October 15, 2012

The Countdown Has Begun

I am calling it.  Christmas is very close.  I could almost put up the tree. 

I won't.  But seriously, I could.

10 weeks until Christmas Eve.

Less than 4 weeks until Santa arrives in the shopping centres.  YES!  FOUR WEEKS!

I start decorating the house in all the Christmas paraphernalia in just over 4 weeks.

Brett's rule.  Not mine.  I have to wait until after his birthday in November. 

I have started shopping, planning and organising our Christmas.

Oh... and add two of the Little Reasons birthday's just DAYS before Christmas. 

Are you ready?  Have you started shopping?  Are you EXCITED?!?!

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Sunday, October 14, 2012

Number 13

Yesterday, the 13th October,  as I was pulling up at a birthday party, I got a frantic phone call from Brett at work.  He had tried to lift something (pretty light) and had collapsed with pain.  I turned the car around and shot up to get him. 

He had been experiencing some discomfort in his lower abdomen for 2 days prior, which he thought was probably just wind or a tummy bug.  I knew it was something more.  As I carefully drove as fast as I could, I had a feeling it was either appendicitis or maybe kidney stones.  Knowing I would have to take him to emergency, I rang around to find someone who could have the Five Little Reasons.  Heck, take 1 or 2 little reasons. 

After making 5 phone calls, I finally rang my parents.  I hate "dumping" them with five children.  Let's face it, five is a lot to handle.  Even my "easy" kids.  So, after a quick trip home for Brett to have a shower and to pack a few things to occupy us during the predicted waiting game, we dropped the kids off at my parents and headed to the hospital.

Brett rolled his eyes at me as I took photos of the 'adventure'.  "You really are a blogger!" he laughed.

We checked in and after answering all the usual questions we took our seat to wait.  We didn't have time to get comfy before a nurse called our name and ushered us through the glass doors.  We were taken to bed #13.  Unlucky for some, but as Camille was born on the 13th, it was now a lucky number for us. She asked us if the number was ok.  Really?  Do people actually turn an emergency bed away because of the number?  Apparently so. 

A lovely young doctor saw us almost immediately, asking loads of questions and poking around in loads of areas.  Brett was a trooper as she hooked him up with a cannula to draw blood and start a hydration drip.  I left the room for a moment so she could do a full examination.  She seemed to already know what was going on and was mentally preparing us for surgery.


As we waited for the blood and urine tests to come back, I watched my strong husband, wince in pain that was unbearable.  My heart sank, knowing I couldn't do anything to help him.  I wanted to take his pain away. A nurse finally came back with some pain relief and within 15 mins Brett was flying high. 

As Brett drifted in and out of consciousness, I was thankful for my birthday present.

After a couple of hours a 2nd doctor came in to do an examination.  He explained what was going on as he prodded away at Brett's stomach.

What you have is 1, possibly 2 congenital hernias.  Basically, the muscle walls around his small intestines didn't form properly when he was in his mum's tummy.  These days, it is picked up not long after a baby is born.  Being Brett's age, it was never picked up and there was either no hernia present (just the weak wall), or a very small hernia.  Something in the past few weeks has made this hernia larger and now his intestines were polking through the hole. 

We were told that at this stage, there wasn't a need for emergecy surgery because his intestine was freely moving in and out of the hole.  If it was stuck or twisted, they would be wheeling him into theater.  There was no doubt he would need the surgery, however it would be done in the next few weeks. 

So now, we wait.  Brett has to go back to his GP to arrange an ultrasound and we wait for a phone call from the surgeon in the next couple of weeks.   Until then, he has a script to manage the pain and he is forbidden to lift the children or anything more than 1 kg.   He also has to manage a good diet to help keep his intestine free from the hernia. 

I have been hugging him more than usual today.  He keeps saying "Dude... enough with the hugs".

I am thankful that for us #13 is a lucky number.

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Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Lonely isn't Being Alone.

I have become very cynical when it comes to friendships.  Too many times, I have been utterly destroyed by people claiming to be my friend.  Too many times, friendships have just "disappeared".  Without warning.  Without a reason.  Just vanished into thin air.

I guess this has made me very insecure with friendships.  I am a very bubbly, happy, easy-to-get-along-with person.  However, I end up lying in bed at night questioning my words... wondering if I have said something that would have offended someone that day.  Questioning my friends motives.  Are they just being nice to me because they want something?  Or because they feel sorry for me?  Or because they feel like they have to be my friend for one reason or another.    Ultimately, I end up pushing people away.  It is easier to be the one to disappear than to go through the heart ache of being forgotten.  Again.

I have loads of people around me.   I like to think I have many friends.  I am friendly with everyone.   I would give my world to be included, outside of the general "niceties".  Without question.  Without reason.  Without having to invite myself - because let's face it, that just defeats the purpose of feeling like you are wanted.

I need a break from the loneliness, which is starting to totally consume me.  I want to be included.  In grown up fun.  Away from the playdates and picnics and kids outings.  I crave for someone to truly love me.  Truly want to spend time with ME.  Not with my kids, not with my family, but with Danielle.  Who is an extraordinary person.  

Instead, I sit at home, not alone, but lonely.

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