Monday, November 5, 2012

Don't Judge a Book by it's Cover.

If you haven't picked up by now,  I will tell you that I am a very confident person when it comes to my body.  I have accepted what I look like.  And I honestly don't care what other people think of me... on the outside.  However, when it comes to my personality, I am very insecure.  I crave people to love me.  For who I am. 

Now, I understand that some people won't like me.  I get that.  Totally.  However when they don't like who they "think" I am, it really hurts.  When I am called a bitch or arrogant by people that I don't even know... it really gets my goat.  Who do they think I am???

I received an email recently from an person I know, basically telling me how she now admits to having judged my character incorrectly when she first met me many months ago.  To her, I was "another loud mouth opinionated and annoying mother".  I was a person who you heard before you could see, someone who had an opinion about everything and someone who came across as "arrogant and happy to walk all over everyone around me."

The email cut me to the core because she basically confirmed all my insecurities about myself.   I have struggled for a very long time about how people see me.  I am one of those people who doesn't make a good first impression.

I am loud and an extrovert.  I am opinionated.  I am self-confident.  I am secure in my beliefs.  I am passionate. 

But that does not make me judgmental, arrogant, aggressive or cantankerous.

Having an opinion doesn't make you judgmental.  I am the least judgemental person you will ever know.  I accept everyone for who they are.  I accept everyone for who they want to be.  I accept everyone for what they want to do.

But I have an opinion.  Actually, let me correct that by saying that I have my own ways.  I have had 5 children.  Five very different births, five very different personalities, five very different parenting tacktics for each child.

10 years of trying different things, different ways, different "opinions".  With this gives me experience.  A wide range of experience.  And with this comes a well informed, well thought out opinion.  But it is MY opinion and I understand that what works for me, doesn't necessarily work for others.

After receiving said email, I did what I normally do when someone judges my character - I retreated. Completely.  I keep to myself in social situations, I only speak when spoken to and I flutter in and out of places without people knowing I was there.   I took one of the Reasons to a birthday party recently and found myself sitting in the corner chanting "Do not say anything, do not say anything" whilst the lovely mums around me chatted about life.  I didn't engage. 

It was horrible.  And I cried all the way home.  

I LOVE engaging with people.  It is who I am.  And I love who I am.

I am glad this Mama emailed me to let me know that after getting to know me better, she admits she judged me very harshly.  I am nothing like what she first thought. 

I am kind, I am gentle and I am open minded and tolerant.

I wish people were like this of me.  Don't judge a book by it's cover.



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14 comments:

  1. Oh Dan. I love the personality I see when I've seen you in social situations at blogging gatherings. I love your zest, your extrovertness, I love your laugh, I love that you're loud. I love it because its nice to have some like me around in those situations. I too have been judged in the same ways you have, I've been told that at first until people got to know me that they were scared of me. But those who do get to me I'm so many more wonderful things kind, carrying, giving, loyal, protective, supportive and so so much more.

    I just encourage you to stay strong and be yourself. No one should ever make you feel as though you should have to apologise for being you and have you question yourself and change your beautiful natural ways of being yourself.

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    1. Thanks Trudie. I too have enjoyed your company. It is nice to "click" with people easily - and I did with you. I find it funny that people would be scared of you. You? Hehe. I will always be who I am. Even when I get kicked, I will retreat for a day or 2, but in reality, I can't change who I am. x

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  2. You are who you are. Pretending to be that person who sits in the corner and says nothing is just going to make you unhappy. People will like you for who you are, and those who don't like you weren't meant to be in your life in the first place. I'm trying to be less judgmental than I used to be, and in doing so am finding that it's kind of sad watching others who are so consumed with having an opinion of everyone else. Who cares, you know? You have a family who needs your energy spent on them, not worrying about what others think. I know it's easier said than done (god knows, i know!), but it's food for thought. xx

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    1. That is exactly right Tee. I sat in the corner as a kind of social experiment, if you will. It was only for a moment, and really, to prove to myself how difficult it is to really change who I am. In the end, I guess I really don't care what others think of me. I know my husband and children love and adore who I am... but then again, I really do want to be accepted in the world. Who doesn't. x

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  3. OMG I think we are sisters.....honestly I could of written that post, I had that same thing happen to me ;o(((
    Love the haters honey.....they make you stronger, be proud and yourself........I too am judged, I too have 5 kids, and people have told me in the past I am a know it all.....it makes me sad that people see experince and wisdom now at some one being to pushy. I have even tried only giving advice when asked directly and its still taken wrongly........SO I SAY stuff them.......I will just give it, if they don’t like me or what I have to say then stuff them LOL.....
    I love your blog, our personality shines though, I love how you share, I love your views on life.
    xxxx

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    1. LOL Nikki- Love the haters. Love it! I was once called a "know it all". I turned around and said "Well, after 5 kids, I don't know it all... but I know a helluva lot!" with a smirk! I particularly love the ones that ASK for your opinion and still bad mouth you! (which I always give kindly, and usually end with "but this is just the way I do it")

      Thank you for loving my blog. I am confident that it is very real and shows an accurate portrayal of my personality. x

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  4. I totally understand what you are saying. I know I often get over looked as being too sensible, boring perhaps. I like to think I'm a fun person, but I'm introverted and cautious, get to know me and you'll see far more than that.

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    1. Oh, I know exactly what you are saying. I have a few friends who were very introverted when I first met them... but now, they are as loud as me! LOL

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  5. I've only met you a couple times Danielle and when I think of you, you make me smile. I love your style, your character and the way you carry yourself. I know its hard. I always think because I don't get invited to things Mums have organised over the years is because of my character or these people just don't like me. I don't know why it is but I don't tear myself up about it anymore. Life's just too short to worry about it and I don't really care for these people's company anyway. I prefer the company of my close friends and family. I think you're great!

    Anne xx

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    1. Awww... Thanks Anne. I smile when I see your name pop up when I am cruising around. I wish I could get over not being invited to the things mums have organised, but it hurts. They don't even know me and they have already judged me - and don't want the loud, opinionated mum around. Hopefully, I will get over it soon. x

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  6. I'm tooo judged, an extrovert, opinionated, oh & LOUD!!!!
    I get hurt when people say "Oh thats just sarah, being sarah"---why can't they say "Thanks Sarah for the effort & Passion you put in, & oh if you didn't do it, it wasn't going to get done!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
    Danielle--you are a wonderful mum, a caring friend, a great person to know!!!
    Be stronger by these critics as they will always be around! They are they shrinking violets in the corner-not bothering to give back to their community, friends etc.
    They let everybody else do the jobs & don't want to get in & do it themselves!
    Girlfriend, we just want you to be you!
    We all love you for you!!!!
    xxxxx

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  7. OH Danielle, I so hear you, and you could have been describing me! I am not good with meeting people for the first time cause I am worried about what they are thinking when they look at me!
    So I usually say something and its taken the wrong way.
    Then I go over and over with conversations (after wards) to see if I said anything that could be taken the wrong way.
    And I have five kids.
    And I have five different personalities and five different ways to parent each kid. What works for us will not work for another family :)
    Yet I like to think that I am a good Mum, maybe I do things my way but they work for us.
    Maybe I say things without thinking them through but hey that is who I am.
    And yeah everything you said....was like listening to my mirror image. Thanking you so much for sharing this ~ so good to know I am not alone. Oh and I have met you a few time, I reckon you are one fantastic lady, great Mumma ;)
    Take care xx

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  8. I have loved you from the first moment I met you. I think you are awesome. I love that you are bubbly, friendly and not afraid to share how you feel. I have always loved our time together and the fact that you have an awesome hubby and cherubs makes me think you are even more awesome! Don't let anyone stop you from being YOU Danielle. N x

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  9. Im like Mandy :) Even my kids call me boring. Im usually shy and im not good with more than one on one or a group of say 3 people...im just never sure what to say and if its with people who are already friends then i think why do they want to be friends with me??

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I am a Mama of Five. A wife to one. I believe in documenting life using stories. I love telling you mine and would love to hear yours.

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