Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Lonely isn't Being Alone.

I have become very cynical when it comes to friendships.  Too many times, I have been utterly destroyed by people claiming to be my friend.  Too many times, friendships have just "disappeared".  Without warning.  Without a reason.  Just vanished into thin air.

I guess this has made me very insecure with friendships.  I am a very bubbly, happy, easy-to-get-along-with person.  However, I end up lying in bed at night questioning my words... wondering if I have said something that would have offended someone that day.  Questioning my friends motives.  Are they just being nice to me because they want something?  Or because they feel sorry for me?  Or because they feel like they have to be my friend for one reason or another.    Ultimately, I end up pushing people away.  It is easier to be the one to disappear than to go through the heart ache of being forgotten.  Again.

I have loads of people around me.   I like to think I have many friends.  I am friendly with everyone.   I would give my world to be included, outside of the general "niceties".  Without question.  Without reason.  Without having to invite myself - because let's face it, that just defeats the purpose of feeling like you are wanted.

I need a break from the loneliness, which is starting to totally consume me.  I want to be included.  In grown up fun.  Away from the playdates and picnics and kids outings.  I crave for someone to truly love me.  Truly want to spend time with ME.  Not with my kids, not with my family, but with Danielle.  Who is an extraordinary person.  

Instead, I sit at home, not alone, but lonely.






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17 comments:

  1. Yep!!! I hear ya' loud & clear!

    Hubby & I sometimes wonder if people put us (us, as in individuals - not family "us") in the "too hard basket" because of what THEY think we have to organise for our family in order to have time away. I don't really know, but I am with you on this one.... loneliness is hard and I suffer a lot with hubby away working.

    I want a playdate for ME and I would invite you, Danielle, along anyday!

    Hugs to you my dear! Meg x

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  2. I can relate to this so much! I get offers of play dates or family bbq's etc but it seems no one ever invites me, just me, out.. anywhere! I invite others out though, so then after it happens a few times, I'm left feeling once again, that the friendship is one sided. I want a friend who actually wants to go out of their way to see just me, because they think I'm great.
    I feel like a loser even writing this.. Only my husband gets to hear how lonely I feel on the friend front.
    So just know, you are so not only in feeling this.

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  3. Its nice to know im not alone in this...

    I had to re-read this as it was like reading my own thoughts and feelings only knowing i hadnt yet been able to put it down on paper, probably because i was questioning that to.

    I have found it easier to push others away than to let them get close and then fear the feeling of loss. Especially with a child with special needs. But how to break the cycle???

    Oh how i would love to have a friend for me, just me... one that just accepts all my "baggage" and is happy to go with the flow...

    Sarah

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  4. I understand this completely and then some more! This is my every single day. You are most definitely not alone x

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  5. I hear you Danielle, I felt like that for so many years. Only now have I found a small group of friends I feel valued and appreciated in. I'm 36.
    I hope it happens for you at some stage, sooner rather than later.
    If I was in Qld I'd be knocking on your door right about now.

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  6. Oh Danielle, I felt like this all the time! I decided if I wanted to do things with my girl friends I would make it happen! I find that some people don't really want to go out of their way as its too hard!Especially when kids are involved

    In my experience that if you want things to happen you have to make it happen. Next time Kristy and I get up to no good I would love to have you come as I think you are worth getting to know better.I have always found you interesting.Chin up

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  7. Believe me, despite the fact we don't catch up much & when we do it's a full scale production to do it LOL - you are never far from my thoughts.
    I'm much the same, everyday is the same for me (I haven't caught up with any of my friends in over 6 months!) - I get up, go to work, come home, put the kids to bed & sit there wishing I could spend some time with my friends... any time... even a coffee would be nice. But there's just not enough hours & I struggle to get out anyway. It's just easier to stay home & not talk to people... You know where I'm coming from, I'm in *that* mindset again & I NEED to get out, but I can't.

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  8. Another me too!

    A large part of the problem for me lies in myself I think. My hubby, is not well. He has chronic fatigue. This means that I have to do most everything. I also feel bad leaving him at home to look after the kids, and I hate to ask others to help with them. So I just don't go to stuff. Then I feel sad cos no one ever asks me anywhere. Viscious cycle!

    On the flip side, I still have much to be thankful for!

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  9. Hun we don't live far from one another, I always enjoy your company and seeing you at blogging get togethers. I always look at you and think how amazing you are with all that you do. Anytime you want to do a coffee night or something, if you won't to, just let me know. I'm always down for kiddy free, mummy fun time, it happens rarely. X

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  10. Wow, this post resonated so much with me. We moved to the Gold Coast just as I fell pregnant with our eldest (5 years ago) and I have found it hard to make real friends as an adult. I was working in Brisbane at the time and that didn't help either as I didn't even have work colleagues around to socialise with. I find it really hard to make true friends and not just associates. xxx

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  11. I feel this way too. I was only thinking on the school holidays that I feel so lonely, yet I never get a minute alone.
    All the mothers at my mothers group were talking about their babies 1st birthday partys and I realised I don't really have any one to invite.
    I have tried for the last 10 months going to playgroups and mothers groups but just can't find anyone I "click" with. I think having 5 kids and not driving puts me in the "too hard" basket.
    I'm 40 and spent my birthday lat week wondering how I got to 40 with no friends.

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  12. Danielle, if we lived in the same STATE, I would love to catch up with you. Sadly, I do not think I will ever get to Queensland for a holiday. However if you ever come to Adelaide and have a spare hour or two, I would love to catch up with you.

    I know all too well what it is like to be lonely most of the time. I am never alone (always atleast Miss 2.5 with me), but I never feel wanted, valued as a person.

    I spend my days floating, not interacting with others. I don't get invited anywhere- and if I do its always when I CANT do anything. I am always extending invitations to people, but they are never accepted.

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  13. I wish for a friend, but I don't think I could let them in.
    There is too much judgement.
    I am not rich, my kids are overlooked because they are good and not out going at school.
    We work hard, relax as a family and are happy together.
    but...We don't fit in anywhere.

    We are the invisible average.

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  14. i am so glad to know that I am not the only one with the same feelings! I can go all day without speaking to an adult and then come night time I am alone with the Kids (hubby works night shift)
    It is so boring and so many times I just wished I could call up a friend for a coffee - or even a movie night!
    I guess because we have five boys that everyone thinks I am too busy? I guess because we dont fit into the norm we are not asked out?
    Wish I was still close enough to Brisbane to catch up :) Maybe one day again soon - loved going to the Bloggers Dinner that time with Lisa from Renovating Italy and meeting so many other wonderful bloggers :)
    You are not alone - would love to have a coffee with you anytime.

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  16. I love your title of this post Danielle, because it's just so true. Having been in that situation for an extended period of time, I can tell you it was hell. I just wish that I had realised what was going at the time and I could have fixed things, or at least made them better. This is also where kicking myself up the proverbial butt and making a super effort (in the beginning when I really didn't want to) would have helped. And probably what I should be doing right now. Life getting in the way is no excuse (that's my mantra at the moment!).
    Loads of love,
    m xo

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I am a Mama of Five. A wife to one. I believe in documenting life using stories. I love telling you mine and would love to hear yours.

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