Tuesday, September 25, 2012

My Ultimatum

I almost had to walk away from my marriage last week.  And by walk away, I mean tell Brett to walk away and sort himself out before returning.  It just got all too much for me.  Picking up the pieces our broken life and not cutting myself in the process.

I made an emergency phone call to his shrink and when we see him this week, I will be going and I will be demanding some drastic measures be taken. 

My husband is sick.  Very sick.  And in the process, I am getting sick. 

Last week, I begged Brett to just leave and check himself into hospital.  He frequently uses myself and the kids as his excuse to not get help.  "I can't do that to you", he says.  "It would be too much for you and the kids for me to leave" he always says. 

Screw that.  If he doesn't do something drastic soon, I know I will have no option but to make myself and the kids my number one priority.  I am spending far too much time, pouring far too much of my energy into helping him.   I am miserably failing at helping him and in the process, I feel as though I am failing as a mother and as a woman.

Something has to give and this time it HAS to be him. 

Obviously his medication isn't working anymore. For some reason or another.  I can't even tell you if it has ever worked.  He told me that he has been pretending, even to me, for so long and when I called him out on it, he crumbled.  Into a million pieces.  Taking me with him.  And I sobbed.  Harder than I have ever sobbed before. 

I told him to seek help.  Drastic help this time.  He said he didn't know what to do.  I gave him the step by step instructions and told him that our marriage was now on the line. 

Anyone that knows us in real life, knows that we are a rock solid couple.  Always have been.  And we always will be.  If our marriage was to, in the end.... fail,  it wouldn't be because I don't love him. 

It will be because all my hope has gone.  I am not sure how much hope I still have left.

And the thing is... that this is all so easily fixed.   I just can't fix it. 

**Disclaimer - this is my raw, honest, open writing.   It was also written in a raw moment.  If I am to be completely honest, I would tell you that our marriage is 100% a-ok.  I am ok.  Brett is not, however and we are taking steps to figure it out.  I did need to shake him silly for him to realise just how serious the situation is and for me to say that our marriage was on the line - meant that he knew how serious I was.  

I will keep you posted about his appointment this week.  
 
post signature

13 comments:

  1. Thinking of you Dani - I admire your strength & courage. AMAZING!!
    Meg x

    ReplyDelete
  2. OH Danielle, I am so sad for you all that things have gotten this bad. I hope Brett gets help, and help that will work.

    Mental Health issues are hard- on EVERYONE.

    My prayers and thoughts are with you all.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Big, big love. So hard. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for sharing so honestly. Praying that he is able to be the man you and your kids need him to be.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have a friend who has just walked away from her marriage for exactly the same reason. Sending you lots of love and strength. I hope you get the help needed xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love your brave honesty. I know where u are coming from. There is no easy answer but like you say when you feel it starting to consume your whole worth you know somethings gotta give. Hope the appt goes well.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Love your brave honesty. I know where u are coming from. There is no easy answer but like you say when you feel it starting to consume your whole worth you know somethings gotta give. Hope the appt goes well.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Naaaw :( walking out on the marriage isn't necessarily the end, and there's always room for reconciliation, on healthier terms and boundaries.
    Courageous Spirit xx
    My darling sis-in-love left her hubby recently and truly she's hoping and praying for a full turn around on his behalf and full reconciliation and perhaps even a re-marriage. She's grown so much since doing so, she's amazing!! But it is hard. Either way, it is/was hard.
    Love and Blessings!! Xxx

    ReplyDelete
  9. I walked away not because I didn't love him. In fact I love him more now than I ever have. It's that in his depressive state he made such terrible decissions while depressed. Living a fantasy life online and hurting the both of us in the process. He won't ask for help and my last and I mean very last resort was to leave... I miss him more than anything and while I'm fine a lot of the time I still feel down....

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dani you know im a close safe haven for you , brett or all five reasons if you need breather. My door is literally always open. Please dont hesitate to turn up unannounced, any of you. x

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dani you know im a close safe haven for you , brett or all five reasons if you need breather. My door is literally always open. Please dont hesitate to turn up unannounced, any of you. x

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sending you and Brett strength to get trough all that you need to xxx

    ReplyDelete
  13. Good luck with this first appt, the second step in getting Brett back to well... Will be thinking of you both xxx

    ReplyDelete

I am a Mama of Five. A wife to one. I believe in documenting life using stories. I love telling you mine and would love to hear yours.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...