Thursday, June 14, 2012

The Haze

I am struggling.  Really struggling.

The past two weeks are literally a blur.  I feel like I am on auto-pilot.  I have no idea where I am or what I am supposed to be doing.

I have hit a wall.

Big time.

The fatigue is intense.  I struggle to get to sleep at night.  Falling into a short slumber after midnight.  I then wake about 3 or 4 times throughout the "night", finally getting woken at about 5am by the wild cockatoos - who have decided that the fence... right outside my bedroom window, is a fantastic place to talk to cockatoos 2 streets away.

Or the neighbourhood dogs;

Or Brett... leaving for work.

I doze for another hour before dragging my butt out of bed and climbing into the shower.

I make my way into the kitchen, where the Reasons have already started congregating.  Feeding time.

I make bowls of porridge, weetbix and cut fruit.  While they eat, I make the school lunches.

I then spend the next half an hour yelling out various instructions.

Finally... at 8.10am, we leave the house.

Our school is only 5 minutes up the road.  A (not even) 15 minute walk.  But the first bell goes at 8.15am.  And I have run out of time.

We pull up at school and I usher the Three Big Reasons to class.  I walk slowly back down the main path through the school and climb back into my car.

I doze drive home and pull into the garage.

I let the little ones out of the car and plonk them in front of the TV.  I don't have the energy for anything, so I crash on the couch and watch yet another episode of "RaaRaa".

In the blink of an eye, 2.20pm arrives and it is time to pick the big three up from school.  We make it to the carpark and fight for a park.  I walk up to the prep building and string together a couple of sentences to other parents.  I have no idea what I am saying and I can feel my droopy eyes.

I yawn for the 200th time today.

I come home and the homework fight begins.  I sit at the table on the verge of tears while I try to organise homework, while Oliver chatters, Camille whinges, and Hayden fights with me.

When Brett walks in the door, I gasp a sigh of relief and retreat to the couch... again.

I am so incredibly tired.

Utterly exhausted.

I sat on the kitchen floor tonight and cried to Brett.

I am running on empty.  Not even fumes.  E M P T Y!

I don't have the energy for anything.

Anyone else stuck in the constant "Haze" at the moment?  How did you get yourself out of it?




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15 comments:

  1. sounds like my life... happens to me once everyone so often.. and its those days I could run away from my own 5 reasons. disclaimer: of course i wouldnt lol.

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  2. Im feeling the same Danielle. I have only one child..... You are amazing!! Your blog inspires me to be a better person. Alas, Im also stuck in a rut, and tired of it.......Much love..xpx

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  3. Have been a bit this way myself of late. I think there are times where it all just gets a bit too much. I too have 5 children but am no where near as organized as you, I am late for everything and constantly feel like I am running a race I am never going to win. It sure is a hell of a rutt to be stuck in, especially when its life, no way around it, its what we have created and we must now find a way to manage it as best we can.When you figure out how to get out of your rutt, let me know so I can get out of mine too x

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  4. Oh Danielle, I'm so sorry to hear this. You're only human.
    Do you have support, can you get a day off, where the kids are gone and you can rest, sleep, lay in bed and watch a movie. Maybe it's easier to take yourself out of the house and leave everyone else there.
    I've been having this debate for a while with my hubby. He will in the near future be taking the kids to the inlaws (which is 4 hours away) for the weekend and leave me at home. I plan on tidying the house and then relaxing in it. long sleeps, a movie, scrapbook, but just relax.
    I doubt I've solved your issues, but I hope I've inspired some food for thought.
    Take care.

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  5. Yes, I get this way sometimes so at least you know your not alone. The way I get, got out of the dark ages was to plan my days ahead. If your busy, you have no time to mope.. Your the creator of your life, so start make it how you want it to be!! No one will do it for you.. pull yourself together sister and start living!! MB

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  6. Danielle, I am so sorry you are going through this. Have you been diagnosed with depression? Everything you've described are classic symptoms. If you haven't, please see your GP and talk about this.

    I have been there and it's a horrible place. It is hard fighting this on your own. Thank you for reaching out here. Now reach out to those around you, particularly your GP.

    Big Hugs...

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    1. Danielle, I too am really sorry to hear that you are going through this, but I agree with Dorothy about seeing a Dr. Sometimes even something as dumb as vitamin imbalance can make you struggle & sometime depression isn't as straight forward as "oh, life stinks" sometimes it is being overwhelmed with everything. Take care of you.

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  7. Yep I was there a few weeks ago and changing my eating helped more than any vitamin or pill. Loads of fruit and vegies, little to no meat, dairy or wheat and I am a new person!

    I hope you find your energy soon. It's a horrible slump.

    Big hugs xx

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  8. Yep me! Pregnant with number 5 - and constantly in a haze and I only watch and wave as my kids literally catch the bus outside of our lounge room window - and the biggest kid walks down to the ferry... Something that makes my morning a little more friendly (to me at least) is to do the lunches the night before - I do that at dinner time or just after - most of the stuff is pre made and frozen - and then I pack them and pop them in the fridge. I only have one at home at the moment (21 months) but I do her lunch and snacks at the same time - so when I am hazy I have it done! Other than that I have no idea how I am going to get out of my sleepy haze - as the BBB berocca aint cutting it at the moment.... maybe Ill try earlier bed times... Goodluck - glad someone out there is being honest about their mummy haze! Thanks! - With that I may just pop myself into bed. S xx

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  9. Unlike the idea of changing your eating, that would be my first suggestion. Otherwise have you considered getting checked out for chronic fatigue? Good luck chick and I hope your feeling more your self soon x

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  10. Oh I am feeling the same way right now... like you could easily burst into tears at any given moment. I'm doing my best to try not to let it get on top of me- surely it's not this much work to try to be happy? but it is so freaking hard! I am going to go to the Dr shortly, as I'm breastfeeding a 5 month old and have been bleeding every fortnight since he arrived and am hoping it's just iron deficiency. Maybe you need to see a GP too? Hope things improve soon! xxx

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  11. Yes I do, and the lack of energy is just debilitating. So I totally understand where you're at. Big hugs to you xx

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  12. Honey I can't offer you much more than hugs and reassurance that you're not alone.
    I think sometimes we get this way out of the constant repition and routine with kids. So if I feel like this I change things up, we will have picnic lunches on the grass outside, go for a walk, go somewhere we haven't been before for a play in a park. I generally just force myself to do these things and gradually my attitude changes. I think it helps break the monotony for me and allows me to see and appreciate things as well as my kids and life in a different environment, and see the blessings again.

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  13. I was like that a couple of weeks ago, and i know it seems like the opposite of what is needed, but I made myself wake up earlier, and did some excercise (and I have literally never exercised before) it makes you way more tired for a few days, but then you are actually really tired at bedtime, you get to sleep at sensible hour and then your body has time to heal itself with sleep..

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  14. Maybe try sOme melatonin tablets from The health food store for insomnia..helped my hubby..pretorious is the brand we have..hugs hope you feel better soon.

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I am a Mama of Five. A wife to one. I believe in documenting life using stories. I love telling you mine and would love to hear yours.

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