The past two weeks are literally a blur. I feel like I am on auto-pilot. I have no idea where I am or what I am supposed to be doing.
I have hit a wall.
The fatigue is intense. I struggle to get to sleep at night. Falling into a short slumber after midnight. I then wake about 3 or 4 times throughout the "night", finally getting woken at about 5am by the wild cockatoos - who have decided that the fence... right outside my bedroom window, is a fantastic place to talk to cockatoos 2 streets away.
Or the neighbourhood dogs;
Or Brett... leaving for work.
I doze for another hour before dragging my butt out of bed and climbing into the shower.
I make my way into the kitchen, where the Reasons have already started congregating. Feeding time.
I make bowls of porridge, weetbix and cut fruit. While they eat, I make the school lunches.
I then spend the next half an hour yelling out various instructions.
Finally... at 8.10am, we leave the house.
Our school is only 5 minutes up the road. A (not even) 15 minute walk. But the first bell goes at 8.15am. And I have run out of time.
We pull up at school and I usher the Three Big Reasons to class. I walk slowly back down the main path through the school and climb back into my car.
I let the little ones out of the car and plonk them in front of the TV. I don't have the energy for anything, so I crash on the couch and watch yet another episode of "RaaRaa".
In the blink of an eye, 2.20pm arrives and it is time to pick the big three up from school. We make it to the carpark and fight for a park. I walk up to the prep building and string together a couple of sentences to other parents. I have no idea what I am saying and I can feel my droopy eyes.
I yawn for the 200th time today.
I come home and the homework fight begins. I sit at the table on the verge of tears while I try to organise homework, while Oliver chatters, Camille whinges, and Hayden fights with me.
When Brett walks in the door, I gasp a sigh of relief and retreat to the couch... again.
I am so incredibly tired.
I sat on the kitchen floor tonight and cried to Brett.
I am running on empty. Not even fumes. E M P T Y!
I don't have the energy for anything.