I have reached breaking point. There is only so many times I can ride the wave before I get totally and utterly exhausted.
Enough is enough.
I am drowning.
I need to walk away. I need to think of myself. I need to be stronger... for me.
Brett has been in a low for a few days now. Same shit... different low.
I can't take it anymore.
I can't live like this anymore.
Something has to give.
I am sick of walking around scared to my wits ends that my husband will be the next one to jump off a bridge. So I keep quiet. I don't say anything to him. I keep the peace. I baby him out of his low. I cradle him back to the surface. But in the meantime, I am gasping for air.
I am exhausted.
I have put myself aside for too many years. I have put on more weight than I would have EVER dreamed of, because I have not looked after myself. I have acne from the stress of my life. I look in the mirror and I am not happy with the girl who is looking back at me.
I am an empty shell.
My soul is being destroyed one Bipolar episode at a time.
I want out.
But I have no out.
I love this man more than anything in the whole entire world.
More. Than. Anything.
He tells me things will change. He says he will make a conscious effort to change. He gets angry at himself for "putting me through this".
But I have heard it all before. He has promised it will be the last time before.
So, today, I am making the change.
Things will change... but I will change it.
Today.... today was MY wake up call.
Watch me change my life.