Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I am... OK.

I have had a couple of days away from the computer.  Some days to just sit.  Think.  Wonder.

Let me tell you something about me.

I am a control freak.  I thrive on order.  I thrive on structure.  I thrive on schedules.  And I am a little OCD when it comes to the way I *do* things.

I need to do things, namely chores, in a particular order.  And if it isn't done in said particular order, then... well... I can't go onto the next task.

It is something that I love about myself, but it is also my biggest flaw.

I am learning to let go a lot more in my 30's.

The school holidays have gone so quickly, however, they have also been really long.  We didn't go anywhere these holidays, instead, hanging around the house.  Catching up on home time.

The Five Little Reasons are really good kids.  I mean, they are ratbags at times, but on the whole, they are really good kids.  They tidy up when asked, they go to bed on time, they watch their manners.

However, as the school holidays come to a close, I am left more exhausted than before they started.

They have thrown my "order" out the window.  I haven't been able to finish A N Y T H I N G.  And I HATE not finishing things.

So... last week... I snapped.  After a loooonnnggg day with a little boy who is clearly going through the terrible threes (I have always said.. there is no such thing as terrible twos... it is terrible threes!), Brett walked in from work to find my head spinning and I ended up exploding on him!

99% of the time... he knows it isn't about him.  He lets me vent, usually bashing him as well, knowing that it isn't about the BBQ that hasn't been cleaned or the towel that he left on the floor... again.

But this time... after a really rough day at work... he bit back.  Hard.

I went into shock and retreated.  For TWO days!

But that is how I roll.  I sat in a dark room.  I listened to soppy music.  I cried myself to sleep.

It was just what I needed.  And 2 days later, I am back.  Stronger than ever and ready to start the school year.

I received so many kind messages, texts, emails and comments asking me if I was ok.  Telling me I was normal.  A few, hinting that I had depression.  I wanted to clear the air with my gorgeous readers.  I do not have depression.

I want to thank you all for being so supportive and understanding.  Your thoughts really mean the world to me.

I am glad you asked... but I am ok.




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6 comments:

  1. Glad to hear you are finding your groove again Danielle.
    You know what that say better to ask someone are they OK - than leave them alone.

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  2. So glad to read this! Onwards and upwards hon! (and yay for school starting)

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  3. I wonder if you could be my long lost twin? I should let my husband read this, as it is exactly how I get in the school holidays and any time things just get too much (think kitchen, bathroom and laundry renovation all at the same time while I was recovering from an operation also.....many major meltdowns there!).

    I absolutely love school holidays, I love spending precious time with my children, time that gets stolen away when they are at school. But the mess, the chaos, the never ending food requirements, the lazy mornings which then turn into chaotic afternoons all end up leaving me feeling very frazzled and out of control. And I don't do out of control well. At all!

    Good for you for saying how things really are. And for taking that time out to feel better. You are an amazing mum, and I am really glad that I came across your blog.

    So glad that you are OK x

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  4. So glad to read that you are ok!!! Everyone is allowed their low - and totally exhausted times!!!
    Apologies for the depression comments - as I don't actually know you it was just a "just in case" message as I hate to see illnesses like that left to fester as in my mind they are no different from infected tonsils or a deep cut and need treatment just the same.
    But so glad to read you are fine!! You are totally an inspiration - and I hope you find some more energy and time to finish all of those jobs soon!
    xx
    Kylie L

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  5. I love that you are normal ... It means I am too :-) I don't know if maybe its this point in the school holidays, but I too have retreated for the last few days. I think maybe in the first week of each new year us Mamas should spend a few compulsory days at a spa... Well, couldn't hurt, surely lol. So glad to hear your back on top today xx

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I am a Mama of Five. A wife to one. I believe in documenting life using stories. I love telling you mine and would love to hear yours.

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