It is funny how things can go from a fairytale to a nightmare in an instant. One moment, I am enjoying my gorgeous family, having wonderful adventures, and the next, I am sitting in the dark, listening to music.... tears streaming down my face.
From the outside, the world sees my smile. They have no idea the pain and secrets I am actually hiding.
I wake up every day with a positive heart. But I am exhausted and I start to crack. It is like an out of body experience.
Years of being strong and putting "me" aside is finally catching up with me. I am so angry and bitter.
I start to think selfishly. I am screaming inside.
Suddenly.. the unthinkable happens. Finally, I snap. I explode. I have hit breaking point.
I am sick of not being heard. If I scream loudly, I will get heard... right? But the screaming doesn't get heard. I feel like I am on a carousel and no one is REALLY listening to what I am saying. I am sick of saying it.
I am not a depressive person. By any means. But I am not the person I dreamed I would be right now.
I am starting to wonder what more I have to give. Why do I bother? As I watch the sunsets at night, I wonder what the purpose of this life is. I feel tortured.
I have to keep this secret. I have to be strong. I must keep swimming.
There is no other way. There are Five Little Reasons and Mr Reason for me to just. keep. swimming.