Monday, September 19, 2011

Hello Blogger Event

Lately, with all that has been going on, I haven't really gotten out of the house much.  I do the school run, chat to a few school mum friends, and come home.  I do the school pick up in the "Kiss'n'Go" lane, so I don't even get out of the car in the afternoons.

The life of a Stay-at-home mum can get lonely at times.  

Don't get me wrong, I love being at home.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  But seriously, who wants to go out to coffee or lunch with me... I have at least 3 little tag-a-longs where ever I go.  It hardly makes for a nice relaxing catch up.  

Getting out at night with friends turns into a big event - trying to organise kids to be fed and settled before I leave.  Making sure Brett will be ok.  I mean, he is a very hands-on dad, but I feel guilty leaving him with such responsibility.  

But, after having such a fantastic time on Saturday night, it has made me realise I need to get out, on my own, more often.

As I started to get ready in our bathroom Saturday afternoon, I cancelled my outing about 5 times.  I tried to come up with a reason... any reason... not to go.   Brett seemed like he was struggling that afternoon.  How could I leave him with Five Little Reasons?

I organised dinner and said my goodbyes.  This was it.  I was going out!

As I backed out of the driveway, I had to hold back the urge to stop the car and once again say "Nope, I am not going".  Two little boys stood in the garage, tears streaming down their cheeks.  "Take me with you mama".  I fought back the tears and waved and blew one last kiss.

I set iTunes to play Sara Bareilles's album.  I turned up the volume...max!

As I drove along the highway, music blaring, I sang at the top of my lungs.  It was good.   I added something to my bucket list.  I am going to audition for the next round of Australian Idol.  I am going to go in, sing my little heart out and check it off my list.  

I finally made it to the city and got a little lost.  Ken, my sexy GPS man, got me lost.  I really must upgrade Ken.  Why do they have to change the roads so often?   

I finally found a park and started walking to the restaurant.  Let me tell you.  Fortitude Valley is a little scary when you are on your own.  As I watched all the young girls strutting their stuff in the teatowel skirts, I felt relieved that I had a gorgeous hubby waiting for me at home.  I am not, and never really was, a clubbing kinda girl.  Not. My. Scene.

Walking down Wickham Street, I accidentally stumbled across the restaurant.  I was looking for a number, or a sign, or something to guide my way.  Instead, I saw some people walk into a little, unmarked doorway.  I hesitantly followed them in and asked the maitre-de if this was the place I was looking for.

"Sure is" she replied.  "Your party is down the back in our cocktail bar.  Do you have a final number of guests?"  I didn't have the heart to tell her that I didn't know any guests, let alone a "final number".  

I walked into the dark cocktail bar and froze at the door.  I couldn't see anyone, let alone find a face that resembled someone I had only seen photos of online.  I stood for what seemed like eternity, praying someone would recognise me first.  And then I locked eyes with someone I knew, and took a step forward.  
Garuva


The first few moments are a blur.  It was loud, dark and busy. People were lining up to get drinks and I wasn't 100% sure what the "deal" was, so I sat on the floor and introduced myself and my blog to a couple of girls around me.  I felt so much better when the response was "oh yes, I know you".  

When we were called to our table, I hesitantly followed and took a seat on the floor at the table.  Oh, I forgot to mention that this trendy restaurant is called Garuva and they had dining tables the height of a coffee table, and you sat on chairs with no legs.  It was comfier than it sounds.  We were also surrounded by a sheer curtain, so it made a nice intimate gathering. 

Photo courtesy of Olivia & Garuva


Photo Courtesy of Olivia

Photo courtesy of Suger




Photo courtesy of Luke & Talia.

This was actually the time that I "checked in" with Brett -
who replied with "Kids all in bed, I am struggling, but please don't come home!"

I continued to fight the urge to leave and head home to my family.  Not because I wasn't having a good time, but because I felt guilty having a good time.

The food was amazing and the company even better.   We talked about our blogs, a little about our lives and a lot about other various things from traveling to folding or scrunching our toilet paper.

Olivia telling a hilarious story!


It was easy to talk to these girls.  I honestly haven't laughed that hard in a very long time.  It was just what I needed.  I can't wait until the next one.  Thanks everyone for a memorable night! And thank you Hello Events for planning it!  


Photo courtesy of The Climbing Tree


Front row L-R: BenAmyDaniZoeHayleySheri
Middle row L-R: DebKateOliviaMeLisaAmySuger
Back row L-R: LisaTalia
Photographer: Luke **Thank you Luke & Talia for the awesome group shot and for the links! :)

**I hope I linked everyones photos correctly.  Please let me know if I didn't.  :)

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Sunday, September 18, 2011

Sunday Snapshot!

School holidays are upon us, and boy am I grateful for them.  I am exhausted from all the end of term running around.  2 weeks off from school runs, chauffeuring kids around to activities and usual routines.

Looking back at the week just gone, I can't remember exactly what I got up to... but I know I was run off my feet.

Anyway, time for my Sunday Snapshot.  Camille's birthday, boys hair cuts, RUOK? day and my very first Blogger Event.  I am exhausted.


The Hello Blogger Event was so.much.fun.

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.  I was just what I needed.  And I think (read: hope) I made some long-time friends.

I will blog all about the event tomorrow.

Tonight, I am heading to bed early.

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Friday, September 16, 2011

My first Bloggers Outing

I am a little scared but a lot excited because tomorrow I am going to my first ever bloggers event!  I am off to dinner with a bunch of AWESOME bloggers.

I am heading to Hello Brisbane Hello Blogger Events Dinner & Drinks.

I was going to wear a nice dress to impress, but then I read the invite more carefully and decided against it.  The reason... the restaurant we are going to involves sitting on big cushions on the floor, eating at a coffee height table.

So... now I have to rethink my whole wardrobe.  I guess things could be worse.  Listen to me... worrying about my clothes!

The dimmed lighting excites me... hopefully the girls won't see my hormonal breastfeeding zit covered face.

So, jeans, a nice top and some killer heels?

What do you think?

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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

*GUEST POST* - RUOK? Day



September 13th is RUOK? Day. 
In Australia, 65000 people are directly effected by suicide each year.  
7 people a day take their own life.
Think about that for a minute.  That is double the road toll.
This initiative is all about reaching out to people around you and asking RUOK?
Trust your gut.  If you think someone needs to talk, ask if they are ok.
Stop the little problems becoming bigger problems.
In the time it takes to drink a cup of coffee with them, you could change their life.
I am linking up with Gemma over at My Big Nutshell for RUOK? day.

My Big Nutshell

I was going to write a post of my own, but asked hubby if he would like to say something.  
I was thrilled when he said yes.   
Our story starts HERE.
Please welcome, my darling husband Brett, and leave him lots of bloggy comment love!  


______________________________________________________________________________________________




One thing I have never had a problem with is words.  Telling stores, making them up, whatever.  I have never had any trouble coming up with just the right words and putting them in just the right order.

Until now...

You would think that the one thing that controls you in one way or another - all day, every day - would be easy to put into words.  For some odd reasons, not so much!
I'll have a shot.
It is difficult for me to pinpoint exactly when my "journey" began.  Certain moments stand out.  My first violent outburst.  My first appointment with our doctor (my wife's idea of course).  My first visit to my psychologist.  My first trip to my psychiatrist. My eventual diagnosis and the beginning of the long road back to the "real" me.
Looking back now, it's hard to imagine who the real me really is.  The me that I like is funny, witty, intelligent, creative and the life of the party.  That version of me had gradually begun to fade away as I entered my 30's.  I wasn't enjoying the things I loved.  My self esteem, which had never been an issue, was approaching and all-time low.  I was becoming an empty version of myself.  I barely even noticed.  I put it down to tiredness and getting "older".  Those around me saw something more.
I would never have sought out the help on my own, but I was more than willing to accept it when it was offered.  There was more at stake than just my health.  I was a father with a young family.  That was the big picture.
Sometimes all you might need to bring a spark of light to the darkness, to help you take that first scary-as-hell step on that long and winding road to recovery, is for someone, anyone, to put a caring hand on your shoulder and ask...
 “Are you ok?”


Brett








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Sunday, September 4, 2011

Sunday Snapshot


HAPPY FATHERS DAY to all the wonderful Daddy's out there.  I am very lucky to have one of the best daddy's for my children.  






Looking back on the week that was is always fun.  Dump all your phone photos and create a snapshot of what you got up to.  



The new ride they are building at Dreamworld.
I won't go on it.
Ever.

My week has been filled with many of these things.
Spring cleaning.
Doing the kids clothes swap & sort.
Over it!

After cleaning out the girls room,
I did yet another mid-week trip to Ikea.
Stay tuned for their new room storage.

Wearing diamond earrings to do the school run.
Smile.
My Dad & I on Father's Day.

 
The Five Little Reasons with their gorgeous & doting Daddy.
My heart melts.
Being "Daddy's Day", we HAD to get a photo of the
Five Little Reasons with Brett's favourite WB Character.

I tried to get a photo of Marvin & Brett.
Brett thought it was weird and declined.








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Saturday, September 3, 2011

Logic

My dad is a Star Trek fan.  I watched a few episodes of a few series.  My brother had a flying Enterprise hanging from his ceiling in his room.  You know?  One of those models that takes hours to make and paint with tiny paint brushes.

Then they came out with "Voyager".  I was hooked.  A female captain.  Perfect.

I am not a "Trekkie".

Honestly.

But I really enjoyed watching the series.

If I was to guest star in a Star Trek episode, I would have to be cast as a Vulcan.



I am logical.

I am rational.

This really makes me struggle to understand the thoughts of my Bipolar husband.  His thoughts are irrational and nonlogical.  If I find myself in a "bad place" emotionally or mentally, I take a moment and think myself out.

Logically.

Brett can not do this.  He knows what he is thinking/saying is not logical or rational, but he can't stop.  He thinks the worst.  He has a cloud over his brain.

All.

The.

Time.

I like to say that I understand.  But I don't.  I understand it from a clinical point of view.

As he lies awake beside me, tossing and turning, in the middle of a depressive episode, I struggle to understand why he is down.  The logical side of me wants to shake him silly.  Our life, although with a handful of struggles, is perfect.  We have a roof over our heads.   Food on the table.  Clothes on our backs and the most amazing little family.

But he says it isn't about that.  That isn't the problem.

His depressive episode at the moment is focusing on time.  He doesn't have enough time.  His time isn't worth anything.  He doesn't think he is worthy of time and his life is a waste of time.

This breaks my heart.

Into a zillion pieces.

I take a moment to catch my breath.  "What did you just say?"  He gets angry at me because I am being "logical" about it and I take the comment personally.

So I keep quiet.

He has been in this depressive episode for a few days now. And no matter how hard I try to "help" him out of his low, I can't.  Thankfully, these days, the lows don't usually last more than a week and I know he will bounce back with a Manic episode.  I can handle manic.  I almost thrive on manic.

When he is in a depressive episode, I retreat.  I almost go into a depressive mode myself.

But I am logical and as quick as I fell into it, I climb straight back out.


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Thursday, September 1, 2011

11 years

Today is Brett & I's 11th Wedding anniversary.

11 years.  Gone in a flash.

I can honestly say that I am more in love with him today that I have ever been.

I actually get little butterflies in my tummy when I see him coming.

Who would have thought after 11 years!

We have had our downs... no marriage doesn't.  And if someone says they don't... they are lying.

But we work through them every. single. time.

I love this man.  More.  Than.  Anything.

He is my everything.

11 years baby.




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