Thursday, April 21, 2011

It is worth the tears!

I lie awake with my baby girl snuggled in beside me.  She suckles softly as I drift in and out of sleep.  She plays with my chain, and every now and again her tiny little fingers reach up to strum at my bottom lip.  I look down and her big blue eyes pierce through my heart; even in the dark.

I have been so very lucky to have breastfeeding come naturally to me.  I had a rough start with Hayden, but hey, he was my first so there was 2 people who had no idea what they were doing.  But I persevered and struggled through the tears and after about 10 days, we were off and running.

With Lucy, I had some attachment problems in hospital, but at least one of us knew what we were doing then, so I would sit in the dark for hours pulling her off and making her re-attach.  It paid off, and on leaving hospital, she was nursing beautifully.

Even after my caesarians, I would usually spend the first 24-48 hours, shirtless, baby on my chest as much as I possibly can, feeding whenever they wanted.  There is nothing more magical than a fresh newborn baby, curled up, sleeping naked on my bare chest.

I love the sense of total dependancy a breastfed baby has on me.  No one else can feed them.  It is something that is totally mine.  I love that no matter how sick or hurt a babe is, as soon as they start to suckle, all their worries disappear.

I have never had any problems nursing.  Not past the first few days.  Until Camille.

My baby girl has been very ill this week.  Terrible cold and a hideous cough.  She has been feeding more at some times, and less at others.  I think because of this, I now have mastitis.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  Horrible.  Painful.  Draining.

I also had it when she was 5 weeks old.  I have no idea why.  I didn't do anything differently than with my first 4 babes.  It was a complete shock.

I continue to feed, wincing through the pain, and looking at the big blue eyes that look up at me in the dark.

It is worth all the pain.



  1. I absolutely adored breastfeeding my children too...I didn't do so well with our first but the next four took to it like a duck to water :)
    I have only had mastitis the once but it was dreadful....hope you are feeling better real soon.

  2. I only experienced mastitis with my last baby and it is dreadful. Hope you feel better soon.


I am a Mama of Five. A wife to one. I believe in documenting life using stories. I love telling you mine and would love to hear yours.

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